Tuesday, 5 November 2013

No, I have to say that I never met the legendary Steve. From what I have read, I don't think he and I would have got on terribly well. This is about those awful, exploitative, dissembling, largely corrupt, venal and self serving people who blight modern society."Wait, do you mean the bosses of payday loan companies?" "No, fool, was my description too vague? Try Politicians."

One of my pet hates, and yes, there are enough to stock a small zoo, is when politicians and lobbyists spout all these bull***t  claims plucked from the air about various initiatives, and the number of jobs which would be lost/created if the initiative did or didn't happen.

Leave the EU? That'll cost 300,00 UK jobs. Build HS2? That'll create 3,000,000 new jobs in Birmingham alone.

Bring the railway back to Wisbech? Let's see, think of a number, multiply it by 700, add the combined years when your children were born and we get, erm, well at least 20,000.

Stump up a small fortune of Fenland money to improve the A14? 15,000 new posts created, and that's just in Manea.

Pay people a living wage? Disastrous to UK industry and commerce. There would be 2400 P45s issued at Fenland Hall for starters.

Control EU immigration? Utterly unthinkable. UK businesses would, overnight have 47,000 jobs unfilled, and the 24,000,000 Britons who currently work in Croatia, Estonia, Malta, Romania and Slovenia would be made redundant within three weeks.

Cut the £ 400,000,000 yearly aid budget to Pakistan? Preposterous. UK jobs would be savagely hit, and whole communities would be reduced to dust-bowl dependency. That's in Britain, by the way - not Pakistan.

We have a lovely commemorative tea-towel which embodies the enviable human qualities required be a successful servant of the electorate. These have become a collectors' item, and were lovingly - and ethically -  hand-made in our factory in Bangladesh. As soon as the site is cleared of the rubble from the recent unfortunate collapse, more will be available in many bright and original colours. These are available in packs of three from www.crapgifts.co.uk or from all major charity shops and 24/7 off-licenses