Wednesday, 30 December 2015

As 2015 draws to a close, Pickwick has struggled up the mountain to the sunlit uplands of Political Correctness, to bring down some new guidance, so that we can all make the world a better place in 2016.

(according to that darling of The Left, Owen Jones)

1. THOU SHALT continue to laugh at UKIP with all thy heart, and all thy mind, and all thy soul. For not so do suggesteth that many millions of ordinary and unpretentious British citizens are NOT actually swivel-eyed loons, mindless bigots and malicious racists.
2. THOU SHALT laugh thyself into near incontinence at BBC Radio Four comedy panel shows, particularly The News Quiz. Yea, when Jeremy Hardy and Andy Hamilton cracketh jokes about UKIP, thou shalt laugh in abundance, verily until thy sides do split

3.THOU SHALT NOT take unto thyself a partner but they be called transgender, cisgender, gender neutral, F2M, polygender, two-spirit, M2F, pangender, transitional, or any combination thereof.

4. THOU SHALT NOT find derision in the words and wisdom of the Blessed Jeremy Corbyn. Nor from thy mouth shalt be uttered the phrase, "Out of touch bearded twat", neither shalt thou enquireth of Diane Abbott, "Who hath eaten all the pies?"

5. THOU SHALT NOT display, flaunt, wear a garment incorporating, or otherwise rejoice in the Union flag, the flag of St George or other symbols of repression and slavery. The flags of ISIS, Palestine, Pakistan, or the LGBT Rainbow shall be displayed in their glory. 

6. THOU SHALT NOT speak unto others, nor cause to be uttered, the word 'Christmas'. Midwinter, December Break, Solsticetide shalt ever be upon their lips. 

7. THOU SHALT continue to bow down in awe of the Holy Trinity of the North London Liberal Consensus, and thus thou shalt worship none other than The Guardian, and at the right hand Owen Jones, and at the left, the BBC.

8. THOU SHALT remember that God created the great monster Diversity and every whingeing minority that moves, of every kind, with which the social media swarms, and Social Justice Warriors of every race and creed. And God saw what he hath made, and sayeth, "Oh, Shit..!"

    9. THOU SHALT gaze with affection upon the works of those who bring drama workshops to refugees, gender awareness training for unbelievers, safe spaces for the victims of cultural oppression, and bountiful manna for those whose benefits hath been cut. 

10. THOU SHALT NOT forget that child grooming and rape, forced marriage, insistence on Sharia Law, public beheading, verbal assaults on the British way of life, religious hate speech, support for ISIS, indoctrination of the young, electoral fraud and refusing to accept British cultural values have Nothing To Do With Islam.

And this shall be
the greatest Commandment of them all.